Rock and a Hard Place
'Radgepacket - Tales from the Inner
Cities Volume 2' (Byker Books)A gritty urban
tale about an ageing rock star pretending to
be gay in order to sell more records, with
unexpected and hilarious results.
The
story has been published in 'Radgepacket
Volume 2' by Byker Books, an independent UK
publisher based in Newcastle.
"Top
notch stuff. Seriously impressed and it's
nice to see someone filling the void that
Bullet left. Keep up the stellar work!"
Ray Banks
"If
you like your fiction rough, ready and with a
touch of realism then you're in for a
treat."
Amazon UK review
It's
all old Hinchcliffe's fault that Jed Lemmon
turned gay. There I was lounging in bed one
Sunday afternoon, hand resting on some blonde
babe's left boob, when there was pandemonium
downstairs and before I knew it he was
banging on the bedroom door. That kind of
pissed me off. I mean, I know he's my manager
and I gave him the key myself, but even rock
stars deserve some privacy - even washed-up
old scrotes like me.
I
patted Suzie on the rump and sent her home,
then scraped my jeans off the bedroom floor
and dragged them on. A quick swig from the
flask I'd hidden by the bed and I was
more-or-less ready to face the old man.
"Wotcha
Jed," he said, grinning from ear to ear
and jabbing me in the chest. "How's
things with you?"
"Oh
fine, just fine," I mumbled, trying not
to watch as Suzie's Jeep sped off
bad-temperedly down the drive. "What can
I do for you, Mr H?"
It
was the usual - of course it was. He dropped
the bonhomie, even as he dropped his rump
into an over-padded chair. "Business as
well as pleasure, Jed. Records, to be
precise. We're not selling enough. Sales are
down for the seventh month in a row -
nobody's buying your stuff."
I
took my time lighting a cigarette. "I'm
sorry, Mr H. I've done everything you said. I
can't think of anything else." Well, why
the hell should I? It's why I pay him a
bloody great wad of my earnings every month.
"I
know - and I'm proud of you. But don't worry,
I've had a brainwave."
My
heart sank. Great bloke, old Hinchcliffe, and
I couldn't have got where I am without his
help. But his brainwaves are notorious. We'd
already had the Jed novelty hats and the
posters given away with Choco-flakes, and as
for Jed Lemmon dressing up as an orange to
advertise yoghurt - I'd had nightmares for
months.
His
jaw developed a horizontal crack that might
have been a smile. "It's simple. We tell
the world you're gay."
© 2009
Fiona Glass
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