A gritty urban tale about an ageing rock star pretending to be gay in order to sell more records, with unexpected and hilarious results.

The story has been published in 'Radgepacket Volume 2' by Byker Books, an independent UK publisher based in Newcastle.

"Top notch stuff. Seriously impressed and it's nice to see someone filling the void that Bullet left. Keep up the stellar work!"
Ray Banks

"If you like your fiction rough, ready and with a touch of realism then you're in for a treat."
Amazon UK review

It's all old Hinchcliffe's fault that Jed Lemmon turned gay. There I was lounging in bed one Sunday afternoon, hand resting on some blonde babe's left boob, when there was pandemonium downstairs and before I knew it he was banging on the bedroom door. That kind of pissed me off. I mean, I know he's my manager and I gave him the key myself, but even rock stars deserve some privacy - even washed-up old scrotes like me.

I patted Suzie on the rump and sent her home, then scraped my jeans off the bedroom floor and dragged them on. A quick swig from the flask I'd hidden by the bed and I was more-or-less ready to face the old man.

"Wotcha Jed," he said, grinning from ear to ear and jabbing me in the chest. "How's things with you?"

"Oh fine, just fine," I mumbled, trying not to watch as Suzie's Jeep sped off bad-temperedly down the drive. "What can I do for you, Mr H?"

It was the usual - of course it was. He dropped the bonhomie, even as he dropped his rump into an over-padded chair. "Business as well as pleasure, Jed. Records, to be precise. We're not selling enough. Sales are down for the seventh month in a row - nobody's buying your stuff."

I took my time lighting a cigarette. "I'm sorry, Mr H. I've done everything you said. I can't think of anything else." Well, why the hell should I? It's why I pay him a bloody great wad of my earnings every month.

"I know - and I'm proud of you. But don't worry, I've had a brainwave."

My heart sank. Great bloke, old Hinchcliffe, and I couldn't have got where I am without his help. But his brainwaves are notorious. We'd already had the Jed novelty hats and the posters given away with Choco-flakes, and as for Jed Lemmon dressing up as an orange to advertise yoghurt - I'd had nightmares for months.

His jaw developed a horizontal crack that might have been a smile. "It's simple. We tell the world you're gay."

© 2009 Fiona Glass